Wanting to help others is commendable, but you can overdo it. Taking care of yourself is essential, but you can become complacent and even selfish. How do you find the balance between helping yourself and helping others?

Most people err on the side of taking care of others and ignoring their own needs. It can feel self-centred even to take an hour for your personal needs. Fortunately, you can learn to balance taking care of others and yourself.

Here are the tips you need.

Consider How You Feel

Start by looking inward and thinking about how you feel. Do you believe that you get enough downtime? That you have self-care routines that serve you and help you feel refreshed? Or do you find yourself feeling stressed, burned out, and resentful of the things you do for others?

If you feel frustrated and cynical about the activities in your life, it’s a sign that you’re not getting the balance you need. You’ll want to work more things that you enjoy into your days.

Review Your Calendar

You might have a sense of how much time you spend helping others and how much you get to yourself, but your perception may be skewed. If you feel guilty about taking care of yourself, even 10 minutes on your favourite hobby will seem like a lot.

Instead of relying on how you feel about it, look at your calendar. Or, if you don’t keep a schedule, try writing down the tasks you do for yourself and others over the next few days, even a week. This activity will give you an honest assessment of where you currently stand.

Do you notice a big imbalance? You probably do far more for others and not enough for yourself. If that’s you, let go of the guilt and take care of your own needs for a while.

What Does Balance Mean to You?

One mistake people make is thinking that balance means doing 50% of one thing and 50% of another. You don’t need to start planning an exactly equal number of hours for helping others and hobbies. Instead, think about what your needs are.

Sometimes, a hot bath each night gives you the time and relaxation you need to recharge and have a great day. Other people need a lot more time alone to recharge after engaging in a social activity or helping someone else. Neither is wrong — it’s essential to understand your own needs.

The key to balance is that you feel recharged, cared for, and can help others without feeling frustrated or burned out.

Discovering How to Help Yourself

Some people have spent so little time on themselves that they honestly aren’t sure what self-care activities make the most difference. If that’s you, experiment with different options. More rest, a hobby, or a bath might be perfect. Or, you might prefer taking the time to go for a walk to work on some personal development, like learning how to practice the growth mindset. Shifting your mindset to a more flexible one can make a big difference in every area of your life.

Maybe you’ll find that the things that are “supposed” to help you recharge aren’t what you enjoy at all. There’s no shame in that! Try different activities, traditional or not. If the thing that helps you unwind is playing pool, do that. Reading, writing, making music — there are so many choices.

There’s a reason that airlines remind you to put your own mask on in an emergency before you help those around you. It’s because you’re not of any use to anyone unless you’re safe and able to breathe!

When You’re Cared For, Help Others

Once you’ve got your own care in order, it’s time to reach out and make a difference. It’s likely you already help people every day of your life, you just don’t realise it. But if you’re looking for new ideas, take some time to brainstorm.

You might decide you can fit some volunteering in your schedule, or you might stick to random acts of kindness. Regardless, you’ll be making a difference in your community.

Don’t overlook the excellent work you do for your own family and friends as well. Helping out doesn’t have to be a big production. Taking care of your kids or helping friends with errands counts too.

Helping someone else is great, but most of us don’t help ourselves enough to have anything for others. With these tips, you’ll be able to determine if you’re balanced or if you need more self-care. Once you’re full, you’ll be ready to pour out more for others!

Bio: Jori Hamilton is an experienced writer residing in the Northwestern U.S.

She covers a wide range of topics but takes a particular interest in covering topics related to health and wellness, including mental health awareness and addiction education. You can follow Jori and learn more about her on Twitter and LinkedIn.